By Jordan Stark
Partner, Next Step Partners
It was such a contrast that I have never forgotten it.
I was living and working in London.
I had been asked to co-facilitate a potential merger talk between the leadership teams of the management consulting organizations of two of the “Big 4” consulting firms in London.
I had worked with one of the teams for several years so they trusted me. The other side had a facilitator too so we could be sure that the talks were balanced.
The conversation went well. The executives enjoyed working with each other and we made a lot of progress envisioning what the next steps would be if the merger went forward.
The interesting part for me, though, came during the drinks and mingling afterwards when the two CEOs showed up.
I couldn’t help but watch them. They were so strikingly different that to this day, over 25 years later, I can remember exactly what they were wearing, John (not his real name) in a blue pinstripe suit, Paul (not his real name) in gray slacks with a yellow cashmere sweater over a white collared shirt.
They were both men about the same age, at ease socially and heads of large, successful firms in the UK. The difference was that John looked like a heart attack waiting to happen and Paul was the picture of health – rested, fit, with a relaxed presence.
John was from the firm I had a relationship with so I knew him. He was smart and dedicated. People enjoyed being around him because he connected well. He was also overweight, with consistently bloodshot blue eyes. John had a reputation for trying to be everywhere for everyone, and had a finger in every pie. He was also known for not delegating as well as he should. The cost to his well-being, and ultimately his effectiveness, was clear.
Paul, on the other hand, was obviously leading and living differently. I didn’t know him well, but I didn’t need to because the pattern was evident in his presence: very likely Paul prioritized consciously and consistently, and leveraged his team, allowing them to do their best work. He also had the glowing vitality of a daily exerciser who had figured out how to live a sustainable life with a very big job. Like some other CEOs I know, he probably could have continued to do his job into his 70’s if he wanted to.
I lost touch with John and Paul after I moved back to the States, but you’ve probably known these two types of leaders in your own work life.
It’s easy to imagine the fates of the Johns and Pauls we’ve encountered: the former retiring early or even dying early, from lack of balance and poor self-care; the latter sustaining a long career, with adequate time for the personal side of life.
Leadership at the top is always difficult. A recent article from HBR showed that the stress of life at the top can actually shorten your lifespan. It doesn’t have to be this way, but leading and living well at the C-level requires intention, commitment and support.
Of course, these two CEOs are two ends of the spectrum, and there are a lot of different styles when it comes to impactful leadership.
One key principle, though, is nearly always true: good self-management is critical for effective leadership and healthy living, and these two things are almost always linked.
What is your leadership approach? How healthy and sustainable is it? Are you having the impact you want? The life you want?
Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of important leadership questions, but having worked with many senior leaders and CEOs for over 25 years, I can tell you that these questions matter.
If you’re not happy with where you are on some of these issues, give yourself time, even if you don’t think you have any time, to step back and think about what one or two small changes would put you on a better path. Then experiment until you find something that works.
Over the next several months, we will be digging into more topics on how to lead and live effectively at the top.
In the meantime, wishing you much success and good health!
Jordan and the NSP Team